Parent, UK

My son's difficulties started in the school nursery. He had a medical condition and the teacher made it very clear she didn't want him in the class. At 3 years old he was kicked out at story time, his favourite part of the day, because he had soiled his pull up and I was early and the teacher saw me waiting. She thrust him out the door and he was screaming and begging not to miss out. 'I'll be good, I promise' over and over. The teacher just jabbed a finger at me and said 'Get him tested for autism for goodness sake' I was absolutely stunned as SEN hadn't occurred to me at this point and the medical professionals he had seen certainly hadn't suggested it.

Fast forward to year 3 and there had been wild ups and downs for my son. In year 3 he went from top of the class to an absolute wreck. The teacher was shouting at him, keeping him in at lunch, calling me to the door and yelling at me that he was crying all day and fidgeting. It seemed like a huge overreaction from the teacher so I approached the Head. He called in the SENCO who matter of factly said 'We think he's autistic and have done since nursery but NOW he's becoming a problem and disrupting the class' Again I was stunned as for 3 years nothing had been suggested like this and now they wanted him assessed!

Following assessment he was diagnosed AuDHD and the ed psych the school brought in suggested a number of accommodations. The school flatly refused any of them and said 'He's a clever child, he can learn to act normal if he wants to' They refused to help with gaining an EHCP and just doubled down on punishments.

I was so conditioned to thinking school was the norm that I was still trying to work with them and find a way forward but then the bullying by his peers and teaching staff intensified and the teacher and Head wouldn't intervene. My now 8 year old was living in fear, being chased into the toilets at lunchtime and threatened, being hit, being ostracised and all the school would say was he needed to learn to fit in. Then he said 'Mummy, I can't take this anymore. I wish I wasn't here anymore' and I knew if I left him there, at the mercy of people who neither understood SEN or cared to learn about it, he would do something drastic.

Removing him from school to home educate him saved his life. There are no 2 ways about that and I will fight to keep him safe as I have been doing in the 6 years since he said those fateful words. He would not survive being put back in school, especially without some specialist support.

Home education gave me my child back. He will never quite be the carefree kid he was prior to the torment he suffered there but we work every day to keep his mental health on an even keel and most days are 80-90% good days.

Letting him learn about things he is actually interested in has been a game-changer as replicating school just brings back the trauma associated with it. Numeracy and literacy are embedded in everything so not following a strict curriculum hasn't hampered his progress in any way.

Listen when children tell you there is a problem. You cannot expect children to learn conflict resolution without adult guidance. Resilience is nonsense unless you provide the tools to become resilient.

School need safe zones where children can speak to someone in confidence or just take time out to regroup and decompress if the day is going badly.

Teach children about difference and disability early on. They are much more accepting when things are explained clearly. If teachers are 'uncomfortable' working with disabled kids as ours claimed to be perhaps they are in the wrong job.

Let all kids have movement breaks. Adults do so why can't kids?