Parent, UK
My stories
My School Story
When my son was in year one, it was the year from hell. His peers that had behavioural needs would get what they wanted, for example; dens, trading cards, extra play, arts and crafts. My son wanted what they were getting and knew that all he had to do was refuse his work and misbehave to get it. Very quickly my son's behaviour went from good to bad to worse, he went from enjoying learning to not doing his school work and spent most of his time drawing or making snowflakes or going to play Uno with the teaching assistant, then when they tried taking it away he would kick off until they gave in or sent him home.
His mental health deteriorated, my son was becoming a shadow of himself, I was being called in daily and in one week he got excluded 3 times. He would tell me exactly what he was going to do in order to get sent home and he did exactly that, he got what he wanted, I would even prewarn the teachers of what he had said to me and they just shrugged it off. He was 5 at the time.
There were times I would have to go and pick him up and he would be absolutely distraught, I as his mother had never seen him like that and it was heartbreaking. Despite battling with the school and telling them that they were rewarding his bad behaviour and informing them what he would tell me he was going to do to get what he wanted, they didn't listen.
I would ask them all the time to get him to do his work first and if he completes his work, then ok reward him, then one day he came home and told me I was unfair because the teaching assistant told him he wasn't allowed to make snowflakes prior to doing his work, when he asked why the teaching assistant replied "because your mum said so" this caused my son to have an absolute meltdown, I then got a call to pick him up, but because of what the teaching assistant has told him, he told me he hated me and that is as the worst mum ever, screaming all the way home it was horrific and completely soul destroying seeing my child like this, when he calmed down I did explain that I don't mind him getting rewards but he is to do his work first.
On another occasion I got called to pick him up and when I did, his top half was naked and he was rubbing magic sand all over his torso, in a room with the same teaching assistant as before, why was this even allowed?. We had a term time holiday booked for 2 weeks for a wedding that same year, we couldn't be more ready for it. On this holiday my son became himself again, his confidence came back, it was a breath of freshair. When he returned to school he was much more settled and luckily it wasn't long until he would have been in year 2.
When year 2 came he had a teacher who was more firm but fair, I spoke to her of the issues we had in year 1 and she agreed that there are to be no rewards unless he does all his work. Unfortunately though because of year one my son became very behind in his work, He is now year 3 and still playing catch up from year 1 and year 2 as a result of that awful year. This is an extremely small fraction of year one, the fight to be listened to was horrendous, thank goodness for the teacher that listened in year 2.
His mental health deteriorated, my son was becoming a shadow of himself, I was being called in daily and in one week he got excluded 3 times. He would tell me exactly what he was going to do in order to get sent home and he did exactly that, he got what he wanted, I would even prewarn the teachers of what he had said to me and they just shrugged it off. He was 5 at the time.
There were times I would have to go and pick him up and he would be absolutely distraught, I as his mother had never seen him like that and it was heartbreaking. Despite battling with the school and telling them that they were rewarding his bad behaviour and informing them what he would tell me he was going to do to get what he wanted, they didn't listen.
I would ask them all the time to get him to do his work first and if he completes his work, then ok reward him, then one day he came home and told me I was unfair because the teaching assistant told him he wasn't allowed to make snowflakes prior to doing his work, when he asked why the teaching assistant replied "because your mum said so" this caused my son to have an absolute meltdown, I then got a call to pick him up, but because of what the teaching assistant has told him, he told me he hated me and that is as the worst mum ever, screaming all the way home it was horrific and completely soul destroying seeing my child like this, when he calmed down I did explain that I don't mind him getting rewards but he is to do his work first.
On another occasion I got called to pick him up and when I did, his top half was naked and he was rubbing magic sand all over his torso, in a room with the same teaching assistant as before, why was this even allowed?. We had a term time holiday booked for 2 weeks for a wedding that same year, we couldn't be more ready for it. On this holiday my son became himself again, his confidence came back, it was a breath of freshair. When he returned to school he was much more settled and luckily it wasn't long until he would have been in year 2.
When year 2 came he had a teacher who was more firm but fair, I spoke to her of the issues we had in year 1 and she agreed that there are to be no rewards unless he does all his work. Unfortunately though because of year one my son became very behind in his work, He is now year 3 and still playing catch up from year 1 and year 2 as a result of that awful year. This is an extremely small fraction of year one, the fight to be listened to was horrendous, thank goodness for the teacher that listened in year 2.
How I think schools could be better.
Listen to the parents and stop rewarding poor behaviour, this does not work!