Parent, UK
My stories
My School Story
My daughter started reception like most children do. She was full of excitement and was looking forwards to making new friends.
She had a speach and language delay, and is autistic, but she was toilet trained, could recognise her name, follow instructions and was otherwise "school ready".
The first day was only an hour, she went in willingly and waved good bye while other children cried. When she came out an hour later she was unable to speak. Things went down hill from there.
Within 4 weeks she had stopped eating, except for a few mouthfuls a day. She wouldn't leave the house, except when she was made to go to school and she became shut down and uninterested in life. She couldn't even go to the toilet alone, or be in a different room to me for a second. She woke in the night crying about school and vomiting with anxiety. Then she developed pneumonia and was hospitalised.
The School didn't believe us. They wanted medical proof - not just pictures of her in a hospital bed and a discharge letter, but access to her private medical history.
She was off school, ill, for 3 weeks. She went back on 2 weeks of half days. That seemed to help a little, but she still wasn't eating or talking, she still woke vomiting every night.
Then one afternoon, I received a call to say she had fallen asleep after lunchtime play. She had a cold, but she always had a cold or a stomach bug and school had insisted they must decide if she was ill enough to stay at home, I, her mother, was not capable of making such a decision for her.
I collected my daughter, and after speaking with the teacher, it turned out my daughter had had a panic attack over being told it was time to come inside in a set order of names, not the usual order. She struggled to make the 10 minute walk home, I had to carry her most of the way. When I got her home and changed, I noticed she was struggling to breathe. I took her to the hospital where it turned out the panic attack caused by school, had then caused an asthma attack. We didn't know she had asthma at the time. The doctors suspect it's a complication of the pneumonia.
More time in hospital and more requests from school to have access to my daughters medical history led me to start learning my rights and I discovered home education and started researching it and working out if it was a viable option for us.
School continued to be difficult. They wouldn't meet my daughters needs, kept making targets for her not to cry or for her to be smiling.
It got to a point where every day was a fight to get my daughter to attend. I saw class videos where she was disassociating while being moved by her wrists by her teacher. Sports day was the final straw when I watched them dragging my distraught, hyperventilating child around the field in front of all the other children and parents. I didn't drag her back in after that.
She had a speach and language delay, and is autistic, but she was toilet trained, could recognise her name, follow instructions and was otherwise "school ready".
The first day was only an hour, she went in willingly and waved good bye while other children cried. When she came out an hour later she was unable to speak. Things went down hill from there.
Within 4 weeks she had stopped eating, except for a few mouthfuls a day. She wouldn't leave the house, except when she was made to go to school and she became shut down and uninterested in life. She couldn't even go to the toilet alone, or be in a different room to me for a second. She woke in the night crying about school and vomiting with anxiety. Then she developed pneumonia and was hospitalised.
The School didn't believe us. They wanted medical proof - not just pictures of her in a hospital bed and a discharge letter, but access to her private medical history.
She was off school, ill, for 3 weeks. She went back on 2 weeks of half days. That seemed to help a little, but she still wasn't eating or talking, she still woke vomiting every night.
Then one afternoon, I received a call to say she had fallen asleep after lunchtime play. She had a cold, but she always had a cold or a stomach bug and school had insisted they must decide if she was ill enough to stay at home, I, her mother, was not capable of making such a decision for her.
I collected my daughter, and after speaking with the teacher, it turned out my daughter had had a panic attack over being told it was time to come inside in a set order of names, not the usual order. She struggled to make the 10 minute walk home, I had to carry her most of the way. When I got her home and changed, I noticed she was struggling to breathe. I took her to the hospital where it turned out the panic attack caused by school, had then caused an asthma attack. We didn't know she had asthma at the time. The doctors suspect it's a complication of the pneumonia.
More time in hospital and more requests from school to have access to my daughters medical history led me to start learning my rights and I discovered home education and started researching it and working out if it was a viable option for us.
School continued to be difficult. They wouldn't meet my daughters needs, kept making targets for her not to cry or for her to be smiling.
It got to a point where every day was a fight to get my daughter to attend. I saw class videos where she was disassociating while being moved by her wrists by her teacher. Sports day was the final straw when I watched them dragging my distraught, hyperventilating child around the field in front of all the other children and parents. I didn't drag her back in after that.
My Home Ed Story
We started home education in the July after school broke up, to see how my daughter felt about home learning. She finds change very hard, so I wanted to see if she would be able to adjust.
She took to it like a duck to water. She was engaged and actively taking part.
I deregistered her before the start of year one. School actioned it straight away, no questions asked.
We've now been officially home educating for 6 months and my daughter is thriving.
She's eating and growing again after not growing even a center meter for the whole school year. She's sleeping through the night, she's eating and gaining weight. She's healthy, she's happy and she is learning.
In 6 months she has not only caught up with her reading, writing and maths, but she's enjoying it and starting to read and write for pleasure. She enjoys exercising again and is going outside every day of her own choice.
School was not the right place for her. I don't think a specialist provision would make any difference. Currently, she can only learn and thrive at home.
She still can't talk about all the things that happened at school. We know she was punished through isolation, her biggest fear, and we know there were issues with other children, because she's scared of them and what they might do to her.
Sometimes things happen that remind her of school, or cause a flash back of school and she has a panic attack.
School has damaged her physical and mental health. Home education is starting to heal some of that damage.
She took to it like a duck to water. She was engaged and actively taking part.
I deregistered her before the start of year one. School actioned it straight away, no questions asked.
We've now been officially home educating for 6 months and my daughter is thriving.
She's eating and growing again after not growing even a center meter for the whole school year. She's sleeping through the night, she's eating and gaining weight. She's healthy, she's happy and she is learning.
In 6 months she has not only caught up with her reading, writing and maths, but she's enjoying it and starting to read and write for pleasure. She enjoys exercising again and is going outside every day of her own choice.
School was not the right place for her. I don't think a specialist provision would make any difference. Currently, she can only learn and thrive at home.
She still can't talk about all the things that happened at school. We know she was punished through isolation, her biggest fear, and we know there were issues with other children, because she's scared of them and what they might do to her.
Sometimes things happen that remind her of school, or cause a flash back of school and she has a panic attack.
School has damaged her physical and mental health. Home education is starting to heal some of that damage.
How I think schools could be better.
A more varied and interesting curriculum would be a good start.
More training and staff to help autistic children, especially girls who present with anxiety. Not a one size fits all, but tailored care to meet the individual needs of the child.
Shorter days for younger children
Improved hygiene of the school.
Following government guidelines on when children should return after illness, not making up their own policy to increase attendance.
Trusting parents to make the right decisions for their children and listening to parents.
More supervision of children to reduce bullying and harm.
Offering flexi-schooling to all families as standard.
Smaller class sizes
Suitable uniform to meet the needs of children.
More training and staff to help autistic children, especially girls who present with anxiety. Not a one size fits all, but tailored care to meet the individual needs of the child.
Shorter days for younger children
Improved hygiene of the school.
Following government guidelines on when children should return after illness, not making up their own policy to increase attendance.
Trusting parents to make the right decisions for their children and listening to parents.
More supervision of children to reduce bullying and harm.
Offering flexi-schooling to all families as standard.
Smaller class sizes
Suitable uniform to meet the needs of children.