Parent, Northumberland – UK
My stories
My School Story
"He's fine once he's in school, the problem must be at home"
This is the story I was continuously told when my son was struggling to go into school. I was encouraged to dress him and manhandle him into school, despite his distress, as was told he was fine there.
His behaviour deteriorated at home and he became explosive and physically violent, yet I was still told the problem was with home not school.
He became a shell of his former self, unable to get out of bed, wash, dress, wanting to die.
Yet, school insisted he should still be there. As a family we had to walk on egg shells around him as he would quickly become violent.
With hindsight and time, what I realise now is he was struggling to fit into a school environment that wasn't right for him.
He was undiagnosed neurodivergent child and found the sensory and social aspects of school too much. He was confused as knew he was meant to go to school, but couldn't cope with it.
He was so dysregulated his body could not control his behaviour any more.
He was in burn out and trauma from being forced into school every day.
The only way to support him was to remove every single demand, including school.
Sadly we realised this too late and the trauma from his experience is taking years to slowly slowly recover from.
Despite being an intelligent child, he has been unable to access education because the system broke him.
This is the story I was continuously told when my son was struggling to go into school. I was encouraged to dress him and manhandle him into school, despite his distress, as was told he was fine there.
His behaviour deteriorated at home and he became explosive and physically violent, yet I was still told the problem was with home not school.
He became a shell of his former self, unable to get out of bed, wash, dress, wanting to die.
Yet, school insisted he should still be there. As a family we had to walk on egg shells around him as he would quickly become violent.
With hindsight and time, what I realise now is he was struggling to fit into a school environment that wasn't right for him.
He was undiagnosed neurodivergent child and found the sensory and social aspects of school too much. He was confused as knew he was meant to go to school, but couldn't cope with it.
He was so dysregulated his body could not control his behaviour any more.
He was in burn out and trauma from being forced into school every day.
The only way to support him was to remove every single demand, including school.
Sadly we realised this too late and the trauma from his experience is taking years to slowly slowly recover from.
Despite being an intelligent child, he has been unable to access education because the system broke him.
My Home Ed Story
Once we realised that the school environment was the problem (not him as we were told) and removed demand of going to school, he slowly became better regulated and violence stopped.
However, his life is not as it should be as he is still broken from his traumatic experience.
However, his life is not as it should be as he is still broken from his traumatic experience.
How I think schools could be better.
Make schools neurodivergent friendly.
Recognise not all children are the same and will have different needs.
Rather than trying to make big mainstream school inclusive consider that some children need smaller, quieter environments to thrive.
Take away attendance reward schemes and punishment for non attendance.
Be adaptive rather than so rule driven so teachers allowed the flexibility to properly support children.
Better training in neurodivergence so teachers can support all children including those who not diagnosed but might be quietly struggling in school.
Listen to parents if they voice concerns.
Recognise not all children are the same and will have different needs.
Rather than trying to make big mainstream school inclusive consider that some children need smaller, quieter environments to thrive.
Take away attendance reward schemes and punishment for non attendance.
Be adaptive rather than so rule driven so teachers allowed the flexibility to properly support children.
Better training in neurodivergence so teachers can support all children including those who not diagnosed but might be quietly struggling in school.
Listen to parents if they voice concerns.