Mom to a Primary School Aged Child, West Midlands
My stories
My School Story
No one expects a 7 year old to come home from school saying how much they want to kill themselves. The words coming from my daughter's mouth and the deterioration in her behaviour raised a lot of red flags. This wasn't just anxiety, something serious was going on here. She regressed to toddler-like behaviour, wanting a dummy, wetting herself, isolating herself and getting angry and destructive if confronted over it. Lying, stealing, swearing all very out of character behaviours that just got worse and worse. Meltdowns became a daily occurrence, so what on earth was happening here?
I sat her down, and tried to talk to her, but she couldn't express herself, so remembering something I had learned a long time ago, we gave art therapy. Using pictures I was able to get a clearer picture of what was going on and why her behaviour had deteriorated so much and what I learnt was horrifying. Through the pictures and our discussion, I learnt that not only was she being badly bullied in school, she was also being sexually harassed by older pupils.
I knew what I had to do. At this point after bringing it up with the school and they tried brushing it under the carpet as if it was nothing and that my daughter was making it up, I deregistered almost immediately. It's not till much later I realised it was much worse than just this.
I sat her down, and tried to talk to her, but she couldn't express herself, so remembering something I had learned a long time ago, we gave art therapy. Using pictures I was able to get a clearer picture of what was going on and why her behaviour had deteriorated so much and what I learnt was horrifying. Through the pictures and our discussion, I learnt that not only was she being badly bullied in school, she was also being sexually harassed by older pupils.
I knew what I had to do. At this point after bringing it up with the school and they tried brushing it under the carpet as if it was nothing and that my daughter was making it up, I deregistered almost immediately. It's not till much later I realised it was much worse than just this.
My Home Ed Story
We deregistered in May 2024 and swiftly moved into home education. Little by little I was able to chip away at the issues, more problems with her learning came to light to begin with, she was still functioning at Reception to Year 1 level in most subjects, she was petrified of people and couldn't stand being touched/hugged or anything.
She still struggles with managing her emotions and the nightmares still remain. What exactly had she been doing in school, if she had made no progress since we were in lockdown? What had happened to create this reaction? With interest based learning and continuing with our art therapy techniques I discovered more. She was physically abused by teachers, shouted at for things that were part of her disability, sexually abused by older pupils and had been masking so hard she is still only just beginning to come to terms with it all.
The word "School" cannot be mentioned in our house, any reminder of what she's been through triggers nightmares and withdrawal. Walking or driving past a school makes her uneasy. It's pretty clear we are dealing with PTSD here (GP has been contacted), and I am now so glad I removed her from that toxic environment.
On a more positive note, In less than a year she has regained her independence, and learnt lots more skills - she can now make her own breakfast or a sandwich and helps with cooking meals. She is also now reading and writing again, much better than she ever could. She now wants to learn and will spend hours scouring the internet and watching Youtube videos to learn new skills. We even manage the occasional nature walk. Though she is best when we are far away from our current home. Take her out of the area and she is almost back to her former self. At home she is still too traumatised to engage with local activities.
We have a long way to go in regards to trauma recovery and I doubt she will ever be capable of returning to any school, but with slow and steady steps, plenty of time together and learning through life, nature and less school-like methods we are seeing positive progress.
She still struggles with managing her emotions and the nightmares still remain. What exactly had she been doing in school, if she had made no progress since we were in lockdown? What had happened to create this reaction? With interest based learning and continuing with our art therapy techniques I discovered more. She was physically abused by teachers, shouted at for things that were part of her disability, sexually abused by older pupils and had been masking so hard she is still only just beginning to come to terms with it all.
The word "School" cannot be mentioned in our house, any reminder of what she's been through triggers nightmares and withdrawal. Walking or driving past a school makes her uneasy. It's pretty clear we are dealing with PTSD here (GP has been contacted), and I am now so glad I removed her from that toxic environment.
On a more positive note, In less than a year she has regained her independence, and learnt lots more skills - she can now make her own breakfast or a sandwich and helps with cooking meals. She is also now reading and writing again, much better than she ever could. She now wants to learn and will spend hours scouring the internet and watching Youtube videos to learn new skills. We even manage the occasional nature walk. Though she is best when we are far away from our current home. Take her out of the area and she is almost back to her former self. At home she is still too traumatised to engage with local activities.
We have a long way to go in regards to trauma recovery and I doubt she will ever be capable of returning to any school, but with slow and steady steps, plenty of time together and learning through life, nature and less school-like methods we are seeing positive progress.
How I think schools could be better.
Schools are not always a safe place and more needs to be done to change this. My daughter's case is not an isolated incident, lots of other people have also had traumatic experiences in school. More training should be given to both schools and professionals, so that the signs of trauma can be recognised more quickly and support put into place. More should be done to stop parent-blaming, as for most parents all they want to do is protect their children.
I'm lucky enough to be aware of the signs of trauma and PTSD, so I knew what signs to look out for and expect, but many parents aren't. Many would have mistook her early behaviour as naughtiness or attention-seeking and would not have seen it as a cry for help. Most professionals would have then suggested techniques that would have added more trauma, rather than recognising the truth of the matter. Their actions could have then been dangerous and amplified the trauma.
Forcing her back to school would be the worst thing she could have happen, and it's something I'm actively trying to avoid at all costs. So while I have nothing against schools when they work, for us the damage has already been done. Nothing will change that now.
I'm lucky enough to be aware of the signs of trauma and PTSD, so I knew what signs to look out for and expect, but many parents aren't. Many would have mistook her early behaviour as naughtiness or attention-seeking and would not have seen it as a cry for help. Most professionals would have then suggested techniques that would have added more trauma, rather than recognising the truth of the matter. Their actions could have then been dangerous and amplified the trauma.
Forcing her back to school would be the worst thing she could have happen, and it's something I'm actively trying to avoid at all costs. So while I have nothing against schools when they work, for us the damage has already been done. Nothing will change that now.