Parent, Hampshire

Our son (7) just about coped through nursery and year R, he had some social struggles but due to the amount of free play time he got through it. When he entered year 1 and the academic learning increased I can only describe it as being a rapid decline in his mental well being. Our son struggled with having to be quiet all the time, he struggled with smells that would make him feel sick, he fixated on the toys in the classroom that he couldn’t access so struggled to concentrate, he had social struggles, he struggled to eat due to enlarged tonsils and needed more time, he struggled to sit still especially on the floor, his legs would go numb and he couldn’t concentrate, he had severe anxiety when another child was unwell in class. He felt really distressed at having to read allowed in front of people. He found writing painful and suffered with perfectionism and would feel very distressed if his writing didn’t look right. He struggled to focus and would often doodle on his paper instead of do the task he was supposed to. He would mask in school and then display explosive distressed behaviours at home. He also developed OCD behaviours around germs due to the constant bugs he’d pick up in school. He developed a fear of animals so strong that he struggled to go out anywhere. He stopped speaking to any adults other than me or my husband or his class teacher. He reduced what he would eat, eating would take a long time. He was just a very distressed and frightened boy. We tried to push for accomodations in school, they didn’t even try to apply for an EHCP for him as they didn't think he would get it, eventually LA intervened and asked school to apply but by this point, our son was so distressed and mentally unwell I just wanted to de-register him to remove the pressure so that I could focus on his recovery. At that point he could no longer leave the house such was his anxiety and he hated me leaving too so we were essentially in lockdown again. Our son was diagnosed privately as autistic with extreme demand avoidance, we chose not to wait for the extremely long CAHMS waiting list. We suspect he is ADHD/PDA but are waiting until he is further recovered before we try for another assessment as he found the first extremely distressing.

Once we de-registered we focussed on allowing our son to recover by using a low demand approach, sensory diet and unschooling approach to education. Harry needed autonomy to help reduce his anxiety and I’m delighted to say this approach worked. He is still highly anxious and I suspect it will take years before he is fully recovered, but he is able to leave the house to undertake activities he enjoys, we are now able to have people in our home, I am now able to leave the house occasionally which is important for my mental health. His OCD is less severe, he's less afraid of birds, insects and dogs meaning he can go outside. He is happier, calmer and more able to learn.

Allowing autonomy over learning
Allowing learning through play
More support with socialising for those children that need it.
Smaller numbers of children in settings
Allowing learning through special interests
More movement opportunities
Access to sensory equipment
Sensory integration is part of the curriculum
Role play/imaginative play is part of the curriculum
No pressure to all learn at same pace, accommodation is made for all children to learn at their own pace.
No rewards systems, children aren’t compared to one another and difference is celebrated.
Individual successes are celebrated
Distressed behaviours are not punished but supported