Parent, Derbyshire
My stories
My School Story
My children both struggled at primary, anxiety and social issues and struggling academically, school were ridged in there response, lost applications for ASD/ADHD. We moved primary and found an exceptional one, chickens in the garden, a reading dog, nurturing and flexible. They had a better experience but not without struggles, my son was diagnosed autistic age 9 and my daughter was just starting to be referred but was put on hold due to covid but supported and nurtured and part of the community until secondary. Transfer was rubbish it was a feeder school but didn’t pick up and carry on with support given a primary. Very much the premise that they had to fail and show they were struggling before support.
My daughter, a year older had an awful first year, ostracised by her peers but not bullied openly and being autistic she didn’t really understand. I asked for support but was denied again and again, we asked the school to refer using the single point of access pathway in our LA. They referred to wrong place some how and bounced back months later. By this point her mental health was terrible and the GP referred, she was diagnosed at 13.
When my son joined the following year he already had a diagnosis and the support was very different. He had a keyperson, a toilet pass, pass to get changed for pe separate to others. My son lasted 3 days before he started to show extreme distress. Both children were changed. No longer the happy laughing children they used to be, they stopped all after-school activities, stopped seeing friends, stopped eating, sleeping, bit fingernails til they bled , pulled their hair out, cried and begged not to go to school.
School encouraged me to get the children in at all costs, l left my children crying and distraught, I tricked them and bribed them knowing that they were unsafe at school but trusting the staff new best and this has caused me PTSD that I still suffer with now and my children god only knows what I’ve done to them.
We eventually realised the effect it was having when both children started talking about not wanting to be here anymore.. the children were on 40% attendance and fines were threatened, in fact the children were told that their parents could go to prison if they didn’t come to school, they were going in for 2 hrs a day alone with a TA doing colourings, some times left alone to read , when I had a phone call to say that the children wanted to stay longer I agreed happily hoping it was a good sign however when I collected them they informed me that the team had lied to them and told them I had said they must stay.
We began a EHCP parental request as the school didn’t feel the needs were high enough. Any support offered such as reduced time tables were only for a few weeks before being removed again, pass’s didn’t work as the children wouldn't ask to use them, none of the support was bespoke to them but pulled from a set procedure that didn’t work.
We removed them and began home educating whilst continuing with the EHCP request. My daughter's assessment was denied and I had to go to mediation to get her accepted, the educational psychologist wrote clearly of their lack of trust in the education system and school trauma but the LA cherry picked from the report and insisted on mainstream. I began an appeal and asked for mediation the LA didn’t respond, a tribunal date was set for a years time.
My husband and I had severe marital problems because of the stress the LA were causing. It took over our life’s. We paid privately for a speech and language assessment as the only report included in their assessment was educational psychologist. The La did not contact me until we contacted our Local MP who made a complaint in our name. 6 weeks before tribunal EOTISC was agreed however lack of communication meant the EHCP wasn’t completed and we went to tribunal anyway. A complete waste of tax payers money. We won both tribunals
My daughter, a year older had an awful first year, ostracised by her peers but not bullied openly and being autistic she didn’t really understand. I asked for support but was denied again and again, we asked the school to refer using the single point of access pathway in our LA. They referred to wrong place some how and bounced back months later. By this point her mental health was terrible and the GP referred, she was diagnosed at 13.
When my son joined the following year he already had a diagnosis and the support was very different. He had a keyperson, a toilet pass, pass to get changed for pe separate to others. My son lasted 3 days before he started to show extreme distress. Both children were changed. No longer the happy laughing children they used to be, they stopped all after-school activities, stopped seeing friends, stopped eating, sleeping, bit fingernails til they bled , pulled their hair out, cried and begged not to go to school.
School encouraged me to get the children in at all costs, l left my children crying and distraught, I tricked them and bribed them knowing that they were unsafe at school but trusting the staff new best and this has caused me PTSD that I still suffer with now and my children god only knows what I’ve done to them.
We eventually realised the effect it was having when both children started talking about not wanting to be here anymore.. the children were on 40% attendance and fines were threatened, in fact the children were told that their parents could go to prison if they didn’t come to school, they were going in for 2 hrs a day alone with a TA doing colourings, some times left alone to read , when I had a phone call to say that the children wanted to stay longer I agreed happily hoping it was a good sign however when I collected them they informed me that the team had lied to them and told them I had said they must stay.
We began a EHCP parental request as the school didn’t feel the needs were high enough. Any support offered such as reduced time tables were only for a few weeks before being removed again, pass’s didn’t work as the children wouldn't ask to use them, none of the support was bespoke to them but pulled from a set procedure that didn’t work.
We removed them and began home educating whilst continuing with the EHCP request. My daughter's assessment was denied and I had to go to mediation to get her accepted, the educational psychologist wrote clearly of their lack of trust in the education system and school trauma but the LA cherry picked from the report and insisted on mainstream. I began an appeal and asked for mediation the LA didn’t respond, a tribunal date was set for a years time.
My husband and I had severe marital problems because of the stress the LA were causing. It took over our life’s. We paid privately for a speech and language assessment as the only report included in their assessment was educational psychologist. The La did not contact me until we contacted our Local MP who made a complaint in our name. 6 weeks before tribunal EOTISC was agreed however lack of communication meant the EHCP wasn’t completed and we went to tribunal anyway. A complete waste of tax payers money. We won both tribunals
What happened next...
Both children now have a EOTAS package and are slowly beginning to thrive. They have a bespoke package we found a small training centre that doesn’t look or feel like a school, they have a dog on site and it’s set in a few acres of land. They do 3 days a week here and love it having 95% attendance to prove it!
Doing interest driven curriculum, low demand environment with adults they trust, small classes but it’s taken nearly a whole year to get each part of their package agreed and started. The speech and language therapy is only just beginning with only 4 months left of the school year, and part of that was training for staff working with them! And next will be annual review where they try to take everything away again.
Doing interest driven curriculum, low demand environment with adults they trust, small classes but it’s taken nearly a whole year to get each part of their package agreed and started. The speech and language therapy is only just beginning with only 4 months left of the school year, and part of that was training for staff working with them! And next will be annual review where they try to take everything away again.
How I think schools could be better.
Trusted staff, actual real relationships with teachers. mutual respect. Choices.